You read the title and came here either because
A. you completely agree, or
B. you came to argue.
I think you’ll see which option you truly fall into when you get to the end of this post.
Twelve Reasons Why Homosexuals Shouldn’t Marry
- Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.
- Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can’t legally get married because the world needs more children.
- Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
- Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage is allowed, since Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.
- Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are property, blacks can’t marry whites, and divorce is illegal.
- Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.
- Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
- Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
- Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behaviour. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
- Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why single parents are forbidden to raise children.
- Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven’t adapted to things like cars or longer life spans.
- Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a “separate but equal” institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will.
(And don’t forget the First Nation children’s schools! ~~Cathy)